333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart
by Miss-Blixed
Summary: Basically... the Cullens are bored when they find this list on the Internet. Fun, Chaos and Sex Changes ensue...


I walked into the lounge, over to Jasper and sat in his lap. He started stroking my hair and I just sighed. "Alice, honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm just so bored. There has been nothing to do since this whole Volturi thing blew over." I moaned. I know it's not his fault there is nothing to do but I wish we could do something better than just sit around and wait for Esme and Carlisle to return home.

"Well I'm sure we can figure something out." He said in a seductive tone.

"Jasper! Renesmee is here. We can't do that with her around. We will have to find something else to do."

Just then Emmett's booming voice carried through from the computer room, "i know what we can do. I found..." I never heard anymore as I was taken off into a vision.

Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Renesmee and me are all standing at the entrance to Wal-Mart all leaning over a list in Emmett's hands. The title reads, "333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart".

The vision stopped there, "Emmett that is a great idea," I yelled.

"I knew that!" he yelled back.

"Come on then" I squeaked to everyone. This is going to be so good.

"I agree." Edward directed at me and stood up pulling Bella with him and went and picked Renesmee up.

"What's a great idea?" Bella asked, a little annoyed she got pulled up by Edward when she was having such fun staring into his eyes.

"I'll tell you on the way now come on." I grabbed Jaspers hand and jumped up, I then called through to Emmett and Rosalie, "remember to print the list and get your butts through hear pronto."

Within seconds they were passing through the lounge and rushing out the front door. The rest of us followed. "We'll take my car as it is the only one that will fit us all in it." Said Emmett.

We all got in and within seconds we were speeding down the road towards Wal-Mart. It only took us 10 minutes to get there then we were all getting out and we went to stand by the entrance to Wal-Mart. Emmett stopped us and revealed the list. Everyone read the title and Renesmee let out a little snicker. Come on then I thought impatient to get started.

Edward let out a little snigger at my impatience but pulled Bella and Renesmee inside. I grabbed jaspers hand and pulled him inside. Rosalie and Emmett followed straight after. We went to the back of the store.

Emmett quickly looked at the list and pronounced, "I'm gong to do number 2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment."

I giggled and checked the future. "Yes! This one is going to work perfectly." With that Emmett stalked off to find someone to play the prank on. We all followed but remained enough behind so no-one knew we were watching.

He finally picked a girl about 27 looking and walked up to her. She was quite pretty, blonde hair, bright green eyes and reasonably short. Emmett looked so intimidating standing next to her as he was about 2 feet taller.

"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!... I have missed you so much!"

"Uh... hi?" she asked questionably.

I was quickly pulled into a vision. Edward was walking up to them and starts squealing with joy at her. I pulled out of the vision and looked questionably at Edward. He gave me the puppy dog eyes and I nodded.

"So, what have you been up to?" Emmett asked. Before she could reply Edward walked up to them and started squealing with joy.

"OMG! Sarah is that really you?"

"Yes."

"OMG. You don't remember me. We were friends for years. It's me Natalia."

"Natalia? But she's a girl."

"I got a sex change duh" I almost burst out laughing.

"OMG! Is that really you?"

"Yeah and this is Danny. Don't you remember him?" he said pointing at Emmett.

"Danny? Is that really you? You have grown so much, and you have muscles now. You used to look such a dork with your glasses and everything. And Natalia why didn't you tell me you got a sex change? You promised that when you did you were going to call me so we could hook-up."

"But I am going out with her" Emmett yelled almost looking furious at Sarah.

"You're gay? Oh that explains why when we kissed you ran away and never talked to me again. And you Natalia, how could you do this to me? I always loved you and that is why you were going to get the sex change in the first place. So we could be together without looking strange but instead you go for Danny. You are so mean. I hate you! You broke my heart!" with that she stormed off tears rolling down her cheeks.

As soon as she was out of earshot we all broke down laughing. I can't believe she has such a fucked up life. She loves Natalia. She kissed Danny and he ran away from her. She agreed that this Natalia was to get a sex change so that they could be together. So weird. How do we always end up talking to the freaks. Oh well, at least we have fun and get to hear crazy stories.

"My turn next!" i squealed and stole the list off of Emmett. "I want to do number... 10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"" i then ran off towards the clothing and hid in dress rack. Thankfully i am small enough to fit in without any problems. The others went to the other end of the aisle and pretended to look through the clothes.

I remained silent until a teenage girl came over and started sifting through the dresses. She pulled out a cherry red strapless dress with a big black bow on the back. I put on a high squeaky voice and said, "NO! Don't buy me, the bow will make your but look huge!" she looked confused and looked around as to where the voice came from but she didn't see anyone. She looked towards the dress strangely then placed it back.

I waited until she picked up the next dress which was lilac, flowery and frilly and i put on the voice again and said, "Are you serious? If you wear me you will look like your grandma." She looked around hesitantly before she put the dress down.

I decided to do the actual prank now so i made a black cocktail dress with some sparkles on it rock back and forth and put the voice back on, "pick me! I am gorgeous and will show off your figure perfectly. I won't make you look like a spazz like the others and the sparkles will bring out your bright blue eyes." She walked right up to the dress yanked it out and peered behind the clothes in the rack to see if i was there but i had already escaped out the other side and back to the rest. To my surprise she let it go and walked up to the till with the black dress in her hands.

I burst out laughing and couldn't stop. How can she actually believe the clothes are talking to her. Is she crazy? Silly girl. I still couldn't control my laughter and i was starting to look like the crazy one. Eventually Jasper pulled me into a hug and began to calm down with only hiccups remaining. I still find it stupid that we can hiccup but not cry. Oh well.

"Come on lets continue. How about you go next honey?" i questioned Jasper.

"Sure baby. What did you do with the list?"

"Oh, i left it in the clothes rack. I will be right back." I skipped off and retrieved the list. I returned and handed it over to Jasper with a smile.

He quickly looked over the page and grinned wickedly and said, "I choose number 40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices! Then get back up & act normal" oh this is going to be good as he can act really tormented.


End file.
